It’s been a rather hellish 3-day weekend for me.
On Saturday morning, my brother found my mom unresponsive at home. She was lying on the bed with her legs down — as though she sat down to go to bed and passed out. The Friday and Saturday morning papers were on the stoop. So, we’re thinking she could’ve been like that since Thursday night.
When I saw her in the emergency room Saturday morning, I was fearing stroke. She was completely out of it. As the hours passed, she became more and more lucid and could move her fingers and toes — a great relief for me.
A CAT scan, MRI, blood cultures and chest x-ray all came back normal or even better than normal for her age.
It turns out that mom took “too many” sleeping pills and she admitted to me that she did it on purpose.
Other than her ankles swelling, my mom is a very healthy 71 year old. However, she has a phobia about being unable to care for herself physically and being put “in a home.” Ironic that she has put herself in that exactly that position now after taking the pills!
I’m going through a lot of emotions. Anger being the most prevalent. I’ve had issues with my mom my whole life. She has always had a terrible attitude towards life and her negativity was really hard to take growing up.
It still haunts me in my mid 40’s. I try hard to look at life in a positive light. When I find myself slipping into the bitch-and-moan mode I learned in my formative years, I cringe at myself.
These days I can only take mom in small doses – meeting for lunch or a couple hours of shopping is all I can handle. I know how horrible that sounds. I used to feel guilty about being such a wuss. Just recently I came to the conclusion that there is nothing unreasonable or wrong with protecting my mental health.
Brother and I will spend the next month or so finding mom a better living arrangement. Obviously, she needs a bit more oversight. Her two level townhouse was getting too much for her anyway. We’re also going to take her car – just in case she decides driving off a cliff is a good idea.
Senior housing, by the way, is extremely expensive. Yesterday, my husband and I looked at what that industry calls “independent living” units – basically a small one bedroom apartment, three meals a day at an on site restaurant and light housekeeping. This kind of set up STARTS at $2,000 per month. We looked at one place that was nearly $4,000 per month!
Yeah. Any kind of assisted living such as help with bathing or medication management is EXTRA. Her monthly social security check is around $1100. You do the math. If that doesn’t make you save like crazy for your own retirement, nothing will!
This will be a journey — for mom and for me, on many, many levels.
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{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
I’m so sorry. You do what you need to do to take care of yourself too.
Read sue´s last post … Step Right Up, Ladies & Gentlemen! (with update)
This is a very difficult decision to have to make. And yet not an unusual one at all. With all the senior activity these days, one would wonder how such a thing can happen, and yet it does. Some seniors just don’t seem to stay active and then they get depressed, like your mom.
And I do agree with you, much of life is about our attitude.
You will be very wise to take care of yourself in all of this. I hope you find perfect housing for your mom soon.
Read Joan Adams´s last post … What’s Your Message? Why can’t they hear you?
Oh man, I can see the anger part. That just really sucks. Especially if she does have her health. I have issues w/ my mom as well, but in a way it is opposite. She has major major health issues, so she has become pretty negative. It is totally understandable, but hard to take all the same.
I think it is just insane how much those independent living cost. My mom had looked into them years ago for her mom when she got cancer. They never could afford it, so my mom was stuck w/ the responsibility of caring for her. This of course, made my moms health issues all the more worse.
Well you are in my thoughts. Dealing with aging parents can be very hard.
Read Ginny´s last post … Blast Off! by Allison Maslan ~ Success Plan to launch Dreams into Reality
Yes, and remember, we will all be there some day , if we are so blessed! Saw a quote recently that said “Be nice to your kids. They will pick out your nursing home!”
Read Joan Adams´s last post … Honey, I am losing my sight.
Our mothers must have been sisters separated at birth. Don’t feel guilty , but I also realize easier said than done. My mother is 81 and has gotten harder to deal with as she got to her 80’s. Fortunately my brother and his wife are godsends and do all the nitty gritty. Do what you know is right for you and you’ll never make a wrong decision. It’s sad when people have a life of unhappiness and negativity, all the more reason to have a wonderful life filled with love and happiness.
Read Susan Phillips´s last post … ETSy
I completely understand being able to only take someone for a short period of time. Not with my parents but with my aunt who lives nearby.
Fortunately my parents live in PA, a state that actually helps their senior citizens. They get very little money each month and couldn’t afford housing. But now they are living in a beautiful senior housing area and the county helps pay their rent each month. So now they actually can afford groceries too! They have a 2 bedroom villa as they call it. It’s perfect for them right now. I do worry about the next step when they require help but for now they can care for themselves. I just wish they lived closer to me.
Hope things are working out for your mom.
Read Cindy´s last post … Quilt-Along
Joane said:
“Yes, and remember, we will all be there some day , if we are so blessed!”
What???
You call the heartless mess that is old age in America “being blessed”???
Honey, this society is BROKEN. The farming-village model of American society did not throw old people out into the cold for the “gerontology” vampires. It had a place for them, like sane humane societies do. Given the satanic orgy America is turning into, I’d rather get smeared by a cement truck at 60 than be “blessed,” as you call it. There’s “positive attitude,” and then there’s pathological optimism, a.k.a. DENIAL.
By the way, whoever-you-are, I know EXACTLY what you’re going through and I urge you to protect your sanity. If your mother is anything like mine, she’ll use your altruism and concern to ruthlessly bleed you white, and she isn’t worth it. Nobody is.